My sister-in-law won’t let anyone hold her new baby. It feels extreme. Is it? | Leading questions

<p>There could be so many different reasons behind this choice, writes advice columnist <strong>Eleanor Gordon-Smith</strong>. Maybe what you really mean is you feel hurt to be left out</p><ul><li><p>Read more <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/series/leading-questions">Leading questions</a></p></li></ul><p><strong>My brother and sister-in-law have a new baby a few months old. My sister-in-law won’t let anyone hold the</strong><strong> baby, although </strong><strong>the grandparents on both sides of the family were allowed one-off holds. At family events, as soon as the baby makes the slightest cry, her mum whips her away to a room as far from everyone else as possible. Usually they leave shortly after that.<br><br>
No one says anything to her, to avoid confrontation and the “new mum” factor, but </strong><strong>only allowing the baby </strong><strong>contact with her parents </strong><strong>seems like </strong><strong>it will build</strong><strong> problems </strong><strong> </strong><strong>later on. It is already difficult in the moment for everyone else, my brother included. The natural inclination is to engage with a very small baby. It’s such a short time they are like that. Already everyone else has been left out</strong><strong> – there’s a sense of ownership and that we are all out of bounds. Even in photos, she holds the baby twisted away from everyone else. It feels extreme. Is it? How can I </strong><strong>be supportive without feeding that extremeness (if it is)?</strong></p><p><em><strong>Eleanor says: </strong></em>There could be so many different reasons she’s made this choice. It could be about illness. A lot of parents limit visitors or cuddles in the f