A moment that changed me: I told my dad I was queer – and he said he found it hard to love me

<p>The letter he slipped beneath my bedroom door was brutal. But our lost relationship became the furnace that forged me</p><p>In 2000, my dad wrote me a letter saying he found it hard to love me. “I don’t even understand you,” he said. He slipped it under my bedroom door when I was at my lowest point. The sentences split me wide open.</p><p>I was always the pretty little boy in the corner of the playground, plaiting girls’ hair, dreaming of spotlights. My flamboyance didn’t seem to have an off switch. Dad tried his best to steer me into his version of a “proper” boyhood: football boots, muddy knees, the whole shebang. He’d tap my limp wrists into place and drag me to self-defence lessons in an attempt to turn them into karate chops.</p><p>You Had To Be There by Jodie Harsh is published on 25 September by Faber (£20). To support the Guardian order your copy at <a href="https://guardianbookshop.com/you-had-to-be-there-9780571392414/?utm_source=editoriallink&amp;utm_medium=merch&amp;utm_campaign=article">guardianbookshop.com</a>. Delivery charges may apply.</p> <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/sep/24/a-moment-that-changed-me-i-told-my-dad-i-was-queer-and-he-said-he-found-it-hard-to-love-me">Continue reading...</a>