I seem to put out a strong ‘new-best-friend’ vibe, then I back off. Should I dial it down?

<p>Sometimes we feel threatened by bids for closeness, writes advice columnist <strong>Eleanor Gordon-Smith</strong>. It can help to consider if you’re being true to yourself</p><ul><li><p><strong>Read more </strong><a href="https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/series/leading-questions"><strong>Leading questions</strong></a></p></li></ul><p><strong>When I was 17, I was quiet, an observer on the fringes. That was often mistaken for being wise. Now 70 (and, by the way, gay), I am chatty and opinionated with a tendency to talk over others in conversation. I have come by the changes honestly, so I don’t whip myself over it because I am enjoying expressing myself. But I do wonder if this is a normal progression, the loss of filters with ageing, or if I am simply losing my sociability – going off the rails in some way. </strong><strong><br><br></strong><strong>While I like being friendly to all and enjoy the company of women especially, I recognise how easily they can be hurt. I seem to put out a strong “new-best-friend” vibe but then sometimes, when they step close, I feel crowded and back off. The flip-flop clearly offends, and I don’t want to be doing that, but I frame it as being true to myself. Is this a destructive habit and, if so, should I dial down the friendliness?</strong></p><p><em><strong>Eleanor says: </strong></em>How responsible are we for the ways other people see us?</p><p><strong><a href="https://www.theguardian.com/newsletters/2019/oct/18/saved-for-later-sign-up-for-guardian-australias-culture-and-lifestyle-email?CMP=copyembed">Sign up for the fun stuff with our rundown of must-reads, pop culture and tips for the weekend, every Saturday morning</a></strong></p> <a href="https://www.theguardian.com